I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My feet surprised me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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