he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
