I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
