nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
