low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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