Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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