yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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