That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
