Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
