I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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