I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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