you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
