i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
