Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
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Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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