i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
