Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
