i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
