I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
