doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
