Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
