just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
