12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
