I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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