guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
