who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
