Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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