Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
