When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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