So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
