dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
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And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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