UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she pinky promised me she was 18
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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