So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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