At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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