Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
3pm strippers are depressing
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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