I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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