1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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