You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
