stop calling my apartment porn island.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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