when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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