Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Is it because I queefed?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
