i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
