Don't you send me to vm
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
