you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
