I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
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