i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He kissed a someone with a penis
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
