I have demons in me.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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