We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
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At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
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I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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