my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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