Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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