your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
