If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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