if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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