I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
