yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
