why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
