it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
