I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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