there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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