Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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