Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ambien. No doubt about it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
