oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
