1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
