I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
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They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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