Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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