I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
