He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I could fuck to npr.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
