i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
