I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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