Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
