he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
