i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
