They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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