smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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