Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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