why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
