Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Everything about him screamed your future.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
