so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
