Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
