Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
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Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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